Tonight I Die (for the last time, well, at least for a while)

JCSS Nelson

Tonight I get crucified for the final time (well at least that I know of). It has been a great show full of the normal ups and downs (more ups and downs for me literally) but at the end of the day the drama onstage tends to disappear into the background as the real drama of life kicks back in. I am prone to separation anxiety at such times and this time I am feeling it acutely.

A friend labels it as the "Jesus Complex" although I think it exists in most theatre I have been involved with. It isn't just that a group of friends no longer get to hang out together as intensively, although obviously that is a large factor. I think it has a lot to do with the relationships formed onstage - if you are a halfway decent actor then you will have spent a fair proportion of the time thinking about your character and how they fit into the story, (I am starting to hear echoes of Duncan Whiting coming through here - "Who am I, What am I doing, Why am I doing it etc). Anyway as you grow more into the character and the others around you do the same then you start to spend a considerable amount of time emulating what you believe the relationships would be in reality - and it is hard to completely separate that from your offstage relationships.

Consequently I have had a bunch of followers believing in me and supporting me onstage and a group of people mourning and caring for me, but even more so I have had an amazing time with God. Now I know that sounds pretty weird to some of you, but so much of who Jesus was was based on his relationship with his Father, for me to give any credence to the role meant praying a lot. So in some ways it feels like this show is going to be harder to get over than most - praying seems so much easier when 300 people are waiting to see if you are going to remember the next line.

To my onstage family I will miss you all immensely and look forward to catching you in our future journeys, hopefully our paths will cross frequently. I hope this Easter brings you all peace, love and purpose.

WWJD? But seriously...

I spent a day playing telephone tag nearer the end of Dec 07 with the Bishop of Nelson. I hadn't spoken to him in quite a while and never really in his current incarnation, previously I had spent a reasonable amount of time with him as the music director of Les Miserables which I had the good fortune to be part of way back in 1996 in Blenheim, NZ. He was on the phone asking if I wanted to be Jesus.

Now you have to pay attention to that sort of question coming from a Bishop and so, after a night of serious contemplating, I rang him back and said sure.

So I am Jesus now. It is quite interesting the reaction you get from family, friends and the average Joe who doesn't, on a daily basis, come into knowing contact with a diety. Lots of miracle jokes, just behind the facial hair and namecalling ones really. No one has asked for much to date although the local radio station is going to interview me this week.

My sister in law bought me a bright red tee-shirt in Thailand or Bangkok for Christmas. On it is the shillouette of a little girl leading a huge monster up to her mum and her mum saying in the speech bubble "Go ask your father". It is my Jesus tee-shirt.

The attached photo was given to me by my good friend Pontius Pilate (aka Mike Lipscombe). I don't know why they named an exercise program after him and not me.

July Cancelled

Oops - July didn't really happen. It fell off a bus or got swept under a rug somewhere - surely. It is my birthday and time is accelerating too fast. Each successive year represents a smaller fraction of my existential timeline or some weird astral phenomenon occurs. Actually the reality is ever so slightly more comprehensible. I finally launched my new business, Thadeus Creative Ltd,full time and have spent the last four weeks running around like the proverbial chook. However things are starting to reform so cohesion and it is fun. Just need to find some customers along the way before it becomes 'unfun'.

Cancer is gone, spring is coming, camera is just about forgotten, so all in all life is looking pretty cool.

Today's pic is a macro a macro - from my old Pentax SLR. A thing of beauty in form and function.

Peace.

The P Word

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it

Well with such a momentous, world shattering event such as Paris's release from county jail, I thought it was only appropriate that I too dedicated more media bandwidth to this life-changing occurrence.

In her exclusive, first off, post jail time interview with Larry King, Paris declared, "I feel like God does make everything happen for a reason" which I am afraid is total bollocks. God didn't actually make her drink and drive or then drive again on a suspended licence. God doesn't make war or famine. However I think in all circumstances he will allow us to either learn and grow and trust him or allow us to turn the circumstance into a way to further distance ourselves from him. I don't want to digress too far but I believe most things that happen to people on planet Earth are a result of actions of either themselves or other people - God does sometimes intervene but in my experience it is in his own way, own time and according to his own agenda. Unfortunately most people's perception of God is as the judgment wielding killjoy with a long beard - just waiting for a good excuse to smite someone. My experience is of a God who wants us to grow, love, and learn. For me the father/child analogy makes so much sense. I want my children to grow and to learn from their mistakes and not to find fault in others but to love unconditionally. Obviously I will do everything I can to protect them from harm - but will allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions (again obviously with commonsense and love providing the framework), for when they are grown and without my immediate influence I want them to make the best decisions. If there has never been consequences for bad choices why would I expect them not to continue to make the same choices? This occasionally will backfire, however removing consequences from a child's life altogether absolutely will backfire. So Paris, maybe the jail time will have been great for you - I'll check back in a year. Just don't blame God for your flagrant disregard of the law.

The meerkat is the closest thing I have to a photo of Paris. Obviously I could have used photos of my own stunning children but I didn't want to unfairly disadvantage the poor debutante who has obviously been traumatised by her self-inflicted incarceration.

Actually this video clip just about sums it up for me - it shows an American news anchor loosing it over having to lead with Paris's inane life yet again...



My life is far more interesting and I haven't had to commit a minor felony in the process. Most of us at PolyMEDIA have been given written notice of impending redundancy (July 13, Friday funnily enough) and people have started dropping off the radar as they find new positions and gobble up their leave before leaving. It is sad but opens the way up for exciting new chapters in our lives. In saying that anything can happen in this industry so I guess watch this space. I am busy planning and preparing to start up Thadeus Creative a bit more intently and also get Potius up and running. So heaps to do there. In the meantime there is the America's Cup to be watching and of course the start of the Bledisloe Cup this weekend - yay go black!!
...oh and of course more Paris news clips to savour...

Squash and writing

I started writing a book a while ago - it is bogged down at the moment but I will get back into it one day. Anyway here is a sneak preview for you... I think I overwrite things but I have never had any critique so here's your chance. I have a love/hate relationship with squash - I started late so I'll never be great (or even good) but it is fun most of the time.

Squash, like so many other sports, must be won in the mind first if you ever hope to play to your maximum ability. Marc knew this well but also knew he had never managed to be a natural at positive, hype it up, super-faith, self-help chat. He also found that when he tried positive self-monologue in his head it invariably distracted him at the crucial moment therefore making him miss the ball just as effectively as if he hadn’t bothered. So the only talk that occurred on the court between Aaron and Marc during their weekly matches, asides from the polite two minute, guy-headline chit-chat stuff at the beginning, was very much covertly processed, and seldom consisted of words of more than two syllables. Often there were other utterances that didn’t resemble words of any known origin but were completely understood by the players. These would normally occur in conjunction with one or other party (or both) briefly, yet forcefully, colliding with the ball, their raquet, the opponent’s raquet, one or more of the walls, or any combination of the above. The resulting contusion and or abrasion would be treasured over the following week as a trophy of war. Isn’t it funny how guys do the whole macho ‘my bruise is bigger than yours’ thing? It is a fact of life not really meant to be understood, simply as unfathomable as the shopping gene or the love bug.

It was always a keenly anticipated ritual that marked the end of another week of servitude and it was a relished opportunity to give muscle to any pent up frustration endured during the proceeding week. Aaron and Marc were no experts but extruded an enormous amount of pleasure from the sport and each other’s camaraderie. It worked well as they were both of about the same level of playing ability which ensured no-one got too dominant on the scoreboard, they were being exercised which pleased their partners and as previously discussed they got to hit something very, very hard.

I am particularly enjoying watching the progression of a huge bruise on my left ankle! Not quite sure how I managed to hit it myself but it did hurt.

In The Perspective of BUT

Well I can't say I am any wiser as to any rhyme or reason for the load of nastiness that has headed in my general direction for the last month or two - I doubt there is a reason really but always an opportunity. I think you can either face it and grow or pretend it ain't there and wait to be overwhelmed. Last week I did get overwhelmed but my friends and family encouraged me to stick at it and stuff will generally get better. It has to some extent. The real question is how well you can stick at it for how long and who is there with you in it. (Yeah I know that is really three questions but indulge me). I am still a bit worried about the skin cancer, majorly disappointed by the camera scam, and in an uncertain work situation BUT God is good and Ky and my kids are wonderful. I am loved, clothed, fed and housed and believe that "he who has begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it". Like El Capitan, I will weather this storm. (Well maybe not like El Capitan but I needed to get it into the blog somehow since I had this great piccy of it!!)



This blog is supposed to reflect all sorts of stuff - hopefully in the light of some meaning and with a (distorted) mirrored image of God. I don't want it to atrophy into an self-gratifying, emo pity party. So keep me honest - tell me if there is anything worthwhile that you have read here or that you vehemently disagree with. I am the last person in the world that thinks they have it all sorted out.

Just finally to this entry - thanks to my family and friends. I appreciate the support and faith you place in me.

Warm Hand

We went away last weeekend with Ky's family to the Marlborough Sounds and got to go kayaking for the first time together, so here is Toby looking like a pro!

Sometimes you hear or see something and it transports you to another place. Don McGlashan's music often does it for me and I really want to recommend him to you if you haven't listened before. He is possibly New Zealand's best songwriter and I fall more in love with his solo album Warm Hand everytime I play it. He used to front The Muttonbirds and so you will recongise the voice. Recently he released a video off Warm Hand that I LOVE... it is utterly beautiful. The song wasn't written by him in this case but by another one of NZ's greats, SJD. The imagery is stunning, with perfect use of light, wind and focus bringing you into the scene. Do yourself a favour and watch it now...



The audio quality is compressed on Youtube so then go and buy the CD to really appreciate it. I reckon it is destined to be a NZ classic.